The "Talking Stage" Curse Words
Let's start off by defining the “talking stage” my generation has worked so hard on creating.
Your generation might have invented the telephone but we invented THE talking stage. Alexander Graham Bell who??? We’re changing the world here!
The talking stage: this is basically the trial period of dating. Sometimes you get a 3 week trial but if it's a good company, the trial may last longer. During this period, you’re basically testing the product and seeing if you like it enough to invest in it. If the product isn't what you’re looking for then you just tell the salesperson you’re not looking to buy anything today or sometimes you can just leave the store with no warning. Unfortunately it’s like a game; either both teams know the objective or one team is just completely freaking lost at what is going on. It’s a hit or miss really.
I say talking stage curse words because you know when a little kid says a curse word and the parent usually freaks out and tells the kid to NEVER say that word again or they’re in big trouble?
Well the same symptoms of apply when you find yourself in the “talking stage” with another person and you say THOSE words. Wow you’re in big trouble buddy, never say that again you bad 20something year old!
Here's a breakdown of what you "can't" say:
1. "What are we"
How DARE you say that? We have only been talking for 7 months, spend everyday together, have a red heart on Snapchat, and have met each other's families? What do you think we are??? Hello tone it down, we’re obviously just friends (?)
For some strange reason, people find this phrase terrifying even though it is literally just a question. Scary movies? No biggie. Getting a text saying “what are we?” *Hyperventilates, cries, sweats, blocks number*
Boys tend to take this phrase as a bad thing and then have the audacity to call a girl clingy. Chill out pal, you’re not that special considering we copy and paste that same text to 3 other people.
Sometimes that simple question may lead to false allegations that she wants him so bad. We don’t want you, what we want is to eat loads of ice cream without gaining any weight. We can survive without you, but we can’t survive without ice cream.
FYI: She’s not clingy or obsessed with you when she asks “what are we?” maybe she’s just nice enough to ask before she lets someone else take her out, you ain’t shit buddy.
2. "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"
Excuse me, did they just say what I think I heard? Are we…. TOGETHER?? Googles: “how do I move out of the country and change my identity by the time I get home?”
I mean, if you both mutually like each other well then that's a relief, congratulations you're in a relationship! Go ahead and change that Facebook status.
3. "Friend"
I know this kind of makes no sense because the previous point says don't say girlfriend/boyfriend, but I'm telling you this information is real and it still makes no sense to those experiencing it. Do you see what we’re dealing with here? It's exhausting, I need a drink just to explain this.
Anyways, if you’re actually into the other person and they're about to introduce you to their friends, the world stops moving for a couple of seconds since you may have no idea who you are to these people. Honestly you may even have no idea what you are to the person you actually like, fun right?
“Hey guys, this is my friend”
*Mentally blows their head off* Did I seriously just hear FRIEND? Internally, shit hits the fan but on the outside you’re forced to act like the cool person that doesn’t care about anything. I’m cool with it!☺ Really!☺ I don’t even care!☺ Yeah I totally knew we were friends!☺ Pass me that drink now, FRIEND!☺
This is where you might be confused and if you are well then join the club! So we can’t say boyfriend/girlfriend AND we can’t say friends… Ok what the actual fu** are we?
4. "Date"
You mean the fruit right??? Because this is just a “hang out” even though we are in the middle of a romantic candle lit dinner for two on the beach.
You can be doing the most date-ish type of things and still call it hanging out. Is there a reason for this? Well I don't have one but if you do, please let me know.
I'll just be here trying to make sense of it all, don't you worry, just leave it to me to deliver straight facts.
If you find yourself a victim to these bad words, cheers! You're not alone.
If you think I'm calling you out, cheers! I'm not, but if the shoe fits, wear it.
If you have literally no idea what I'm talking about, cheers! You're probably married, and in that case, extra cheers.